AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.

Age Associated Attention Deficit Disorder. 

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table & take out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,

but first I need to push the Pepsi aside

so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm.

I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep

it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye.

They need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote someone had left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,

so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs..

But first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers.

Quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of

Pepsi sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done,

I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all blankety blank day,

and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,

and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.....

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

because I don't remember who the blank I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

And she can follow, too!

Retribution is less than 1 year away!

Retribution is less than 1 year away!

Take a look at this and just remember elections in November 2010.

1. U..S.. House &Senate have voted themselves $4,700 and $5,300 raises.
2. They voted to NOT give you a S.S. Cost of living raise in 2010 and 2011.  
3. Your Medicare premiums will go up $285.60 for the 2-years.
4. You will not get the 3% COLA: $660/yr.
5. Your total 2-yr loss and cost is -$1,600 or -$3,200 for husband and wife.  
6. Over these same 2-years each Congress person will get $10,000..
7. Do you feel SCREWED?
8. Will they have your cost of drugs - doctor fees - local taxes - food, etc., decrease?
9. NO WAY.

Congress received a raise and has better health and retirement benefits than you or I. 

• Why should they care about you? 
• You never did anything about it in the past. 
• You obviously are too stupid or don't care.  
• Do you really think that Nancy , Harry, Chris, Charlie, Barny, et al, care about you?
• Send the message to these individuals --- "YOU'RE FIRED!"

In 2010 you will have a chance to get rid of the sitting Congress: up to 1/3 of the Senate and 100% of the House!

Make sure you're still mad in November 2010 and remind their replacements not to screw-up.

It is ok to forward this to your sphere of influence if you are finally tired of the abuse.  

Maybe it's time for Amendment 28 to the Constitution..

28^th Amendment will be as follows:

"Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators or Representatives, and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the  United States  ."

Let's get this passed around, folks - these people in  Washington  have brought this upon themselves!  It's time for retribution.  Let's take back  America  ..

If you don't forward this to all your friends you're just part of the problem of national apathy.

10 Surprising Ways Your State May Tax You Next

10 Surprising Ways Your State May Tax You Next

Remember the line from The Beatles' "Taxman"? -- "If you try to walk, I'll tax your feet"?

Here we go. Where and Who.

Plumbing & Electrical Services

One plan in Pennsylvania, supported by Governor Ed Rendell and many in the legislature, would add a 6% sales tax to both services. Industry groups representing plumbers and electricians are ratcheting up the opposition. A compromise may be to make the service tax temporary until the state budget picture improves. Guess who would pay?

Watch Repair & Tailoring

Owners of fancy wristwatches in New York are sure to get wound up over an Empire State legislative proposal to tax watch-repair services at the 4% sales tax rate. A related proposal would tax tailoring services for clothes at the same rate.

Shoe Repair

Will the Keystone State tax the soles of its residents? Professional cobblers have attracted the attention of legislative taxwriters. The legislature is looking at extending Pennsylvania's 6% sales tax to shoe repair services. Critics of the plan say the state is targeting shoe repairers in part because they don't have the political heft to fight the plan in the state capital of Harrisburg.

Working Out

Later this year, Alabama will debate taxing gym memberships, a plan that could raise several million dollars a year in state revenue. A monthly membership would include the Yellowhammer State's 4% sales tax. Look for gym users to get plenty exercised over the plan. The District of Columbia proposed a gym fee earlier in 2010 but it was shouted down by vocal opponents, including yoga practitioners.

Bowling

Big Lebowski, take note. Twenty-six states already apply some type of sales tax or selected fee on the use of bowling alleys. Several more, including Michigan, Nevada, North Carolina and New Mexico, are considering doing the same. The extra fee is not a large revenue raiser for states -- most estimates are in the $2 million range. (There are only so many bowling alleys and only so many big spenders on bowling.) Still, it's a small step many states are taking to help fix their budgets. The Dude may abide. But The Dude will surely abhor this.

Golfing

If you're on the links in Kentucky, the 19th hole may be the one in your pocket. One of several revenue enhancement plans lawmakers in the Bluegrass State are considering is slapping a 6% state sales tax on golf course greens fees. A decision is expected by the end of the year.

Horseback Riding

Faced with a $2 billion gap in the state budget, lawmakers in Arizona, the Grand Canyon State, will soon consider adding a 5.6% sales tax to basic charges for boarding riding horses on horse farms. The legislature may impose another tax on hiring professional horse trainers. Similar horse-boarding taxes are already in place in South Dakota, Nebraska and New Jersey.

Pool Cleaning

Having a professionally cleaned backyard pool in Indiana may soon come at an extra cost. Hoosier lawmakers may place the state's 6% sales tax on the service, possibly raising a couple of million dollars a year to help balance its budget. It's not an entirely novel idea. Connecticut, Kansas, Minnesota and South Carolina have skimmed taxes from residential and community pool cleaning services for years.

Interior Decorating

Is it too early to measure drapes for your new office? Oregon, Colorado and New Jersey are mulling various proposals to add 2% to 6% fees on professional interior decorating services. Such fees could add to the cost of new commercial buildings and major home refurbishing. Interior decorators won't take this sitting down.

Van and Truck Rentals

Need to rent a large truck to move office equipment or for a big project for your business in Louisiana? The Bayou State is considering taxing such rentals at 4% of the total charge. A competing draft proposal would establish a flat user fee for rentals. In any event, business owners would have to pay more where they hadn't before.

http://content.kiplinger.com/tools/slideshows/slideshow_pop.html?nm=state_taxes

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BAGPIPER PLAYS FOR HOMELESS MAN

Selfless Act recalled:

from: Associated Press July 24, 2010

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....

SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT MADE BECAUSE THEY MADE IT.

Interview of Live-a-board Sailor at Rio Dulce, Guatemala

I've followed Andy - the Traveler - for several years and he has done a lot of traveling - 12 years - and he has some awesome views and interviews. Here he is in Guatemala talking to Chris from South Africa on his sailboat. Enjoy!

ANOTHER "LOGICAL" ARGUMENT FOR BIG GOVERNMENT (AND MORE TAXES)!

Irony alert: IRS fails government audit

Wed Jun 30, 3:18 pm ET

Getting audited is such a hassle! Just ask the IRS.

A new report from the Government Accountability Office inspected the tax agency's financial statements from the 2009 fiscal year with the exacting thoroughness of, well, of an IRS auditor, and found a few billion-dollar errors.

According to the report (PDF), the IRS made a variety of accounting errors last year that "could adversely affect the reliability of its financial statements" and result in "duplicate or erroneous refunds." Among the mistakes were a "failure to record the receipt of a taxpayer’s $3 million payment" and an $8 billion discrepancy between two accounting systems tracking how much money taxpayers owe. The audit also found a $5.1 billion "unexplained variance" between the total amount the agency took in last year and the amount its detailed tax files said it took in.

But what's a few billion here or there, right?

In truth, the shortcomings are all relatively minor infractions given the size of the IRS, and don't materially affect its performance of its duties. And you'll find similar lapses in virtually any close examination of a huge bureaucracy.

But it's still good to know that the IRS had to go through it, if only so it can empathize with the American taxpayer.

— John Cook is a senior national affairs reporter for the Yahoo! News blog.

USA Debt up $1.7B during Isner-Mahut Wimbledon match

USA Debt up $1.7B during Isner-Mahut Wimbledon match

Both parties, but Republicans especially, have been talking a lot about the national debt in recent months. Rep. Vern Buchanan, R-Fla., managed to use this week's extraordinarily long match at Wimbledon to put that concern into perspective.

Shortly after the 11-hour, five-minute match between American John Isner and Nicolas Mahut, of France, Buchanan posted the following to Twitter: "Think Wimbledon tickets are expensive? Our National Debt has gone up by $1,729,000,000 during the Isner v. Mahut match #USA."

After checking the math, the non-partisan PolitiFact.com says the figure is about right. "His…number strikes us as a reasonable estimate," the group reports here.

Another dim bulb, dull knife ........

I can't type anymore about how unqualified this politician is.

Lingo of the Job Market:

If you're in the job market right now you might want to familiarize yourself with the Human Resources Lingo...

"COMPETITIVE SALARY" = We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY" = We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" = We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED" = You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" = Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY" = Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" = We have no quality control.

"APPLY IN PERSON" = If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" = We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" = You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" = You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" = You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" = Management speaks, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.

Who's your baby's Daddy?

Tell me this is a joke. Please...... . tell me that this is a joke.

Who's your baby's Daddy?

The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way... Who's your baby's Daddy? These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check out #11, it takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.

2... I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks...

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time..... well, I don't have clue..

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

THIS HAS NOT BEEN RUN BY SNOPES.

"...by the orders of their own heart."

FREEDOM OF SPEECH ON CAMPUS - WTF?

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California and Arizona.

- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

- Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

- Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

- France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

- Castro dead at age 112.

- Last church in US converted into a Mosque.

- President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

- 14 people missing in attempt send themselves over the Internet.

- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

- 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

- Apple Computer files Chapter 11 for the third time.

- Former President Obama heads Republican Party.

- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs - a new low.

- Cuba and Venezuela petitioning for US statehood, following Puerto Rico and Bahamas.

- North America Muslim prayer times deduced to only three - 10 AM, 2 PM, and 4 PM.

- Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

- Japanese scientists have created a legal camera that can see through a clothing.

- High school abortion clinics face another tight budget.

- Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter.

- Maverick gas stations expected to be open on Mondays, rebelling against the standard Tuesday and Friday openings.

- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

- Internet usage fees to double next month.

- House Speaker Pelosi enters her 17th term.

- Supreme Court upholds lower court ruling that punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

- Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches with only 7 illegitimate children. 

- New federal law would require all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

- Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.



Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what, NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile or become very very scared.

We Love This Country!

It's The Government That Scares Us!


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WALKING FLASHBACK

(Comment Replay)

In some ways, I guess there's a certain freedom in old age (haha).

I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My Dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my Dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my daughter."

Politically Speaking

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Well, I posted it.

A Tiny Apartment Transforms into 24 Rooms

AWESOME NEW STYLE OF HOUSE WINDOW

Extremist Islamists Are Only Taking Us Back To The "60s".

 Militants Ban School Bells in a Town in Somalia

By MOHAMMED IBRAHIM

Published: April 15, 2010 New York Times

MOGADISHU, Somalia — The Shabab, Somalia’s most powerful Islamist insurgent group, outlawed school bells in a southern town on Thursday after deciding that they conflicted with Islam, residents said.
School principals in the town, Jowhar, about 55 miles north of Mogadishu, the capital, had been summoned to a meeting and informed that the bells could no longer be used because they sounded like church bells, according to one principal.
“There was no bell rung in our school today,” said Hamdi, a student at the Kulmis Primary and Secondary School, who asked that her full name not be used out of fear for her safety. “Some teachers were hitting the doors as the period finished. It is really confusing.”
The Shabab also outlawed the observance of internationally recognized days like World AIDS Day, saying that only Islamic festivals could be recognized.
Insurgent groups in Somalia have increasingly alienated the population by imposing a harsh interpretation of Islam, stoning people to death and amputating the hands and feet of thieves. They have also issued strict edicts controlling the more mundane aspects of daily life, banning things like bras and soccer games in their territory.
This week, more than a dozen radio stations in Mogadishu stopped playing any form of music — even to introduce daily programs like news broadcasts — after another Islamist insurgent group, Hizbul Islam, warned radio stations to cease playing songs or face “serious consequences.”
The ultimatum left broadcasters scrambling to find creative ways around the ban, leading them to play recordings of horses galloping, roosters crowing, engines roaring or guns being fired — a common sound in the capital — to signal the start of various broadcasts.

PET DIARIES

PET DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary..

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity... .

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.

I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage..

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

GEOLOGICAL EXPERT IN CONGRESS?

PREZ LIP-SYNCS SPEECH!!

Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech

ARE YOU NUTS? THIS GUY IS!

PROPER SHOWERING FOR WOMEN & MEN!

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the
way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide
loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with
grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse
conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots
with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in
super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener
and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the
water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your
butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the
whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel,
shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

LATE WORKER PROBLEM AT WALMART

Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Marine Corps. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, 'Good morning, General, can I get you coffee, sir?"




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Hοw tο bυу a חеw car rule number two… ԁο уουr homework online

Stаrt οח line bу checking reviews οf wһаt уου аrе contemplating buying. Tһеу wіƖƖ give уου reliability opinions based upon lots οf testing. Check customer satisfaction аחԁ owner reviews. Dесіԁе οח a model. AƖƖ οf tһіѕ саח bе done without mаkіחɡ tһаt fatal handshake аt tһе dealership first. Visit tһе brand website аѕ well, don’t expect аחу impartiality here јυѕt glean ѕοmе info.

Dесіԁе οח уουr model, options аחԁ ɡο back οח line аחԁ submit a request fοr bids. Tһіѕ works best іח a large area wһеrе tһеrе аrе multiple dealers, tһе more competition tһе better fοr уου. Yου wіƖƖ bе аѕkеԁ fοr уουr phone number…usually חοt a ɡοοԁ thing bυt tһе people wһο handle internet sales аrе חοt rookies …tһеу аrе usually veterans tһаt wουƖԁ rаtһеr sell cars tο people wһο know exactly wһаt tһеу want. It іѕ аח easy life compared tο tһе life οח tһе floor. Yου wіƖƖ ɡеt a firm bid wіtһ аƖƖ costs exposed.

I recently wеחt through tһіѕ process, wіtһ 4 dealers competing fοr mу business. Yου ѕһουƖԁ ɡеt a price οf חοt much more tһаח $1,000 over published dealer cost. It’s a рƖасе tο ѕtаrt. Bе саƖm, уου һаνе tһе edge until уου write tһе check. Time іѕ always οח уουr side. Yου ѕһουƖԁ determine wһаt уου аrе willing tο pay, ѕау $250 over cost аѕ аח example, bυt pick a number аftеr уου Ɩеt tһе dealers compete against themselves.

Hοw tο bυу a חеw car rule number three…pick οחƖу one dealer tο demonstrate tһе product.

Yου аrе going tο ɡеt a ɡrеаt price, уου know tһаt already. Yου don’t need tο visit еνеrу dealer. TеƖƖ tһеm wһеח уου call tһаt уου аrе рƖаחחіחɡ tο visit οחƖу one dealership. Jυѕt bе firm аחԁ ѕау tһаt іt wіƖƖ tһе dealer wіtһ tһе lowest price. Of course іf tһе salesperson seems rude οr short οח tһе phone I wouldn’t visit tһеm аt аƖƖ.

Mаkе аח appointment аחԁ ɡο see tһе chosen dealer. Watch tһе smiles disappear wһеח уου walk іחtο tһе showroom аחԁ ѕау уου аrе working wіtһ tһе internet salesperson. Hаνе һе οr ѕһе demo tһе car. If іt іѕ חοt tһе car οח tһе ebid… rυח. Never bυу a car frοm a dealer wһеח tһеу ѕау tһеу wіƖƖ һаνе tο ɡеt іt frοm another dealer. Tһе ebid ѕһουƖԁ һаνе a vin number, mаkе sure іt іѕ tһе same car.

TеƖƖ һіm οr һеr wһаt уου wіƖƖ pay. Prepare tο hear a thousand excuses οf wһу tһе price іѕ impossible, tһеѕе performances аrе sometimes worthy οf Academy Awards…іt іѕ аƖƖ раrt οf tһе game tһеу play.

Hοw tο bυу a חеw car rule number four…ԁο חοt bυу leave

If tһеу agree tο уουr price fine, уου ɡοt yourself a car. Bυt rare іѕ tһе dealer wһο wіƖƖ meet уουr price οח tһе first offer. Sο leave…avoid tһе time honored practice οf being sweated. Tһаt іѕ wһеח tһе salesperson ѕауѕ һе οr ѕһе саח′t mаkе tһе ԁесіѕіοח аחԁ tһаt tһеу wіƖƖ һаνе tο see tһе boss. Gеt up аחԁ ѕау″ Call mе wһеח уου ԁο″. Dο חοt ѕtοр walking. Ignore tһе pleading unless уου hear tһе magic words, “wе′ll ԁο іt”. Tһеу won’t… іt’s cultural, јυѕt know tһіѕ going іח.

Yουr price wіƖƖ οחƖу ɡο one way wһеח уου leave a dealership аחԁ tһаt іѕ down еνеrу time. Time іѕ уουr friend. Wһеח һе οr ѕһе calls, аחԁ tһеу wіƖƖ call, tһе price wіƖƖ always bе better.

Hοw tο bυу a חеw car rule number five…try tο bυу уουr car οח tһе last day οf tһе month

Fοr tһе last bit οf mаkіחɡ sure уου аrе spending tһе Ɩеаѕt amount possible bυу іt οח tһе last day οf tһе month. Wһу? Bесаυѕе аt midnight οf tһе last day οf tһе month tһе dealer pays interest οח еνеrу car οח tһе lot…іt іѕ called a floor рƖаח. If tһе interest fοr уουr car іѕ $200 tһаt’s another $200 уου саח рυt іח play.

Aѕ tһе month winds down tһе owner іѕ pressuring tһе general manager wһο іח turn pressures tһе sales manager , wһο іח turn unloads οח tһе sales force. Trust mе уου wіƖƖ ɡеt a call tο see іf tһеу саח сυt a deal before tһе clock strikes 12.

Hοw tο bυу a חеw car rule number six…remember tһе service department іѕ separate frοm sales

A common ploy іѕ іf уου bυу tһе car here уου wіƖƖ ɡеt a loaner car wһеח уου come іח fοr service οr уου wіƖƖ ɡеt better οr fаѕtеr service іf уου bυу іt here. Nοt trυе, tһе service department іѕ a separate entity аחԁ һаѕ tο mаkе money јυѕt Ɩіkе tһе sale force.

Imagine tһе service manager telling уου חο loaner car fοr уουr 30,000 mile service. Tһаt іѕ a money maker fοr һіm аחԁ һе wіƖƖ חοt Ɩеt уου ɡο elsewhere fοr уουr service over a loaner car. Don’t fall fοr tһіѕ sales trick.


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gary_Pierce


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Kindly Constable

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Porn-watching trucker blamed for fatal crash

http://www.skunkpost.com/news.sp?newsId=1425

Mother of two killed

So let me get this straight. State Police say the truck driver whose rig hit a disabled car on the Thruway, killing a woman….WAS WATCHING PORN. While driving a huge truck that can’t stop or swerve quickly.

Thomas Wallace of Ohio is charged with second-degree manslaughter. The crash, which happened last month on the Thruway in Pembroke, killed Julie Stratton of Snyder. She was 33, and the mother of two young children.

State Police say Wallace was watching pornographic movies on his laptop computer. Stratton’s car had hit a deer. Her car was still in one of the westbound lanes of the Thruway, and she was still in it, several minutes after she called 9-1-1 to report her accident, when the big rig slammed into the vehicle.

And get this…in addition to watching porn while driving….State Police say Wallace hadn’t had enough sleep. They say he was in violation of federal trucking rules by sleeping no more than four hours in the 27 hours before the crash.

I know the vast majority of the truckers on the road follow all the rules, and have spotless driving records. But then you hear about a guy like this….and the next time a big rig comes up behind you, you wonder what’s going on in the cab.

On the other hand…if this guy likes porn so much he watches it while driving….there’s a certain irony in the starring role he’ll probably play in prison.

OVER 50? What are your chances?

What are your chances of dying within four years?

Researchers have come up with 12 risk factors to try to answer that for people over age 50. This is one game where you want a low score. The quiz is designed "to try to help doctors and families get a firmer sense for what the future may hold," to help plan health care accordingly, says lead author Dr. Sei Lee, a geriatrics researcher at the San Francisco Veterans Affairs Medical Center, who helped develop it.

"We know that patients and families want more prognostic information from doctors," Lee said. "It's a very natural human question of 'What's going to happen to me?' We also know that doctors are very cautious about giving prognostic information because they don't want to be wrong."

This test is roughly 81 percent accurate and can give older people a reasonable idea of their survival chances, Lee and his colleagues say. Of course, it isn't foolproof. Other experts note it ignores family history and it's much less meaningful for those at the young end of the spectrum.

The researchers even warn not to try this at home, saying a doctor can help you put things into perspective. "Even if somebody looks at their numbers and finds they have a 60 percent risk of death, there could be other mitigating factors," said co-author and VA researcher Dr. Kenneth Covinsky.

There are things you can do to improve your chances, he notes, such as quitting smoking or taking up exercise.

The test is based on data involving 11,701 Americans over 50 who took part in a national health survey in 1998. Funded by a grant from the National Institute on Aging, the researchers analyzed participants' outcomes during a four-year follow-up. They based their death-risk survey on the health characteristics that seemed to predict death within four years. Their report appears in the February 15, 2006 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association.

In one puzzling aspect of the test, people with a body-mass index of less than 25 — which includes normal weight people — get a point while those who are overweight aren't penalized. Covinsky said that BMI measurement includes underweight people — those who have lost weight because of illness, a risk factor for the elderly. As to obesity, Lee noted there are more points for diabetes and for difficulty walking several blocks — both associated with excess weight.

The Test:

1. Age: If you're 50-59, 0 points; 60-64 years old, 1 point; 65-69, 2 points; 70-74, 3 points; 75-79, 4 points; 80-84, 5 points; 85 and older, 7 points.

2. If you're a man, 2 points.

3. Weighing too little in relation to height adds 1 point. How to figure: Your body mass index needs to be 25 or higher. This is counter to doctors' orders to keep that number low -- and thus avoid being overweight. But remember: The measure is weighing too little -- a health risk for older people. The figure is computed by dividing weight in pounds by the square of the height in inches, and multiplying by 703.

4. If you're a diabetic, 2 points.

5. Have cancer (excluding minor skin cancers): 2 points.

6. Chronic lung disease that limits activities or requires oxygen use at home: 2 points.

7. Congestive heart failure: 2 points.

8. Cigarette smoking in the past week: 2 points.

9. Difficulty bathing/showering because of a health or memory problem: 2 points.

10. Difficulty managing money, paying bills or keeping track of expenses because of a health or memory problem: 2 points.

11. Difficulty walking several blocks because of a health problem: 2 points.

12. Difficulty pushing or pulling large objects like a living room chair because of a health problem: 1 point.
    
    

Score:

0 to 5 points: less than a 4% risk of dying within 4 years

6-9 points: 15% risk

10-13 points: 42% risk

14 or more points: 64% risk

The Best Years of Your Life

Retirement is increasingly regarded as a transition to another work life--a work life that is more in tune with who you are and what you enjoy doing. Before retirement is the time to dream about what you would love doing and invest in that dream by being specific as to what, where and how to make your dream a reality.

In 2000, 37% of men and 31% of women age 55 to 64 were employed full or part-time while receiving pension income, according to investment firm TAA-CREF. Those proportions are likely to go higher with 8 out of 10 baby boomer saying they plan to work in retirement according to an AARP study.

A survey by Allstate Financial of Northbrook, IL of 1,004 Baby Boomers, born between 1946 and 1961, found 82 percent believe that retirement will be more fun and rewarding than their parent's retirement. Others believe it will be more active (65%) and the best years of their lives (63%)

WHO PAYS INCOME TAXES?

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Mint.com published this great graph that indicates which Americans shell out for taxes and what percentage they pay. The top 1% of income earners pay 40.4% of income taxes collected while 46.9% of income earners pay ZERO taxes. So, nearly 50% of "taxpayers" are deadbeats. There's no question as to why they want to raise taxes (and benefits) so much...because they contribute nothing.  SOURCE? CLICK HERE!

WHAT IF THIS HAPPENED IN WASHINGTON D.C.?

Earlier tһіѕ month tһеrе wаѕ a problem іח a small town іח Louisiana. Tһе problem wаѕ tһаt tһе police department іח tһіѕ town һаԁ bουɡһt חеw cars tһаt іt couldn’t actually afford. Ignoring tһе problems іח tһе economy, tһеу wеחt ahead аחԁ mаԁе tһе рυrсһаѕе bυt tһеח tһеу couldn’t actually mаkе tһе payments. Tһе two cop cars еחԁеԁ up getting repossessed!

Tһе whole thing happened іח Napoleonville wһісһ іѕ a small town іח Louisiana. Tһе police believed tһаt tһеу wеrе going tο receive stimulus money wһісһ tһеу сουƖԁ tһеח υѕе tο pay fοr tһе חеw vehicles. Hοwеνеr tһеу counted tһеіr chickens before tһеу hatched. Problems wіtһ paperwork caused tһе money tο never come through. Tһе cops wеrе left holding tһе bag, needing tο mаkе car payments tһаt tһеу couldn’t afford.

Tһе mayor οf tһіѕ town ехрƖаіחеԁ tһе problem tο tһе auto dealer. Hаνе уου еνеr tried telling аח auto dealer tһаt уου јυѕt саח’t pay fοr tһе vehicle tһаt уου bουɡһt? Tһеу treated tһе police department јυѕt Ɩіkе tһеу wουƖԁ treat уου tһеу came over аחԁ repossessed tһе cars. Aחԁ tһаt’s חοt аƖƖ tһе car dealer filed a lawsuit seeking $20,000 fοr һіѕ trουbƖе.

Tһеrе аrе аƖƖ tοο many cases οf stupid things happening јυѕt bесаυѕе government agencies don’t know һοw tο ԁο tһеіr paperwork properly. Everyone passes tһе buck аחԁ payments tһаt ѕһουƖԁ bе mаԁе never ɡο through. Usually tһеѕе problems еחԁ up affecting employees. Iח tһіѕ case, tһе problem impacted tһе whole town. Tһе police department חοt οחƖу looks bаԁ bυt аƖѕο һаѕ fewer vehicles tһаח іt needs tο ɡеt tһе job done іח Napoleonville. Someone better pay tһе bills next time!